My Best Friend - And His Girlfriend... Options

[LouiseSarah]

Happy New Year everyone! Hope y'all had a lovely Christmas!

It's not often I start threads and I'm not usually one for letting my feelings show - but here goes...

I need some advice. My best friend is a guy, we’ve known each other since we were 5 years old. We drifted apart during secondary school .. different classes and all that. Then about 7 years ago we hooked up again. In those 7 years he’s never had a relationship.

Now he has a girlfriend – they haven’t been dating long and I’ve yet to meet her. I’m really surprised by how… jealous of her I am! Jealousy is not a nice trait and I wish I wasn’t. But I am. For such a long time it’s just been the two of us.

I guess I’m unprepared for the changes that inevitably lie ahead. For example, my friend and I have been on weekends away – just the two of us and although there’s nothing romantic between us we’re quite happy to share a bed (especially if it cuts down the cost of a hotel!). Will we realistically still be able to do this? I mean, would you want a boyfriend or girlfriend going away with a member of the opposite sex – even if they weren’t sharing a bed?

I guess I’m jumping the gun slightly - but it’s just little things like that that are playing on my mind.

I just don’t know how to deal with it!

[Tom in Virginia]

Don't think I'm making light of the situation, but I immediately thought of My Best Friend's Wedding. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
Other than that, I am clueless in this area. Seriously.

Cordially,
Tom

[DaynaJones]

i was thinking of Teardrops on my Guitar--

I probably wouldnt want my bf going off on trips with another girl..unless its his sister (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) ha ha

[andrwdmp]

Louise, if you think about it, your friend's girlfriend is probably jealous of the time he spends with you. Are you certain that there are no romantic feelings between the two of you? If there aren't, then your only answer is to make friends with his girlfriend so that she realizes that you aren't a threat to their relationship. This will be difficult, though. Few women would allow their boyfriends to take trips alone with another woman.
Andrew

[Becky]

Don't think I'm making light of the situation, but I immediately thought of My Best Friend's Wedding. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
Other than that, I am clueless in this area. Seriously.

Cordially,
Tom

Great minds think alike (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) !! but seriously if you didnt have feelings that were more than just friends him having a girlfriend would not bother you... but thats my opinion!

[sjfc102]

Louise, if you think about it, your friend's girlfriend is probably jealous of the time he spends with you. Are you certain that there are no romantic feelings between the two of you? If there aren't, then your only answer is to make friends with his girlfriend so that she realizes that you aren't a threat to their relationship. This will be difficult, though. Few women would allow their boyfriends to take trips alone with another woman.
Andrew

Unfortunately it will change and it may change bigtime if this is serious between those two.

Put your self in her shoes and think how you would feel. It does suck to be in your shoes right now but if he is a good friend you will go with the changes and work it out.

If you have ANY feelings for him then this is a different ball game- are you sure that you do not have feelings for him?

[Kipp]

Hmm... I seem to think you may have feelings for him also. But then again, I can see how you would be jealous without having romantic feelings. Your best friend is getting "taken from you." If there are no romantic feelings, make friends with the new girl like someone said earlier. Who knows, you might find out that she may soon be one of your best friends also. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[LouiseSarah]

I definitely don't think that my feelings for him are anything more than just friends. If they are, it's still not registering with me!!

Like Kipp said, my best friend is being "taken away" and it's rattled me.

I guess I'm just more concerned about the changes it will bring. I don't do well with with change!

I dunno, I'll just have to find a way to work through it.


(IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)

It's funny, I'm not one who holds a lot of faith in the stars but as I was reading my friends just the other day it said "and beware - a best friend may be feeling jealous of someone new in your life - reassure her..." - my mouth near hit the floor!

This post has been edited by LouiseSarah: Jan 3 2008, 07:28 AM

[Allyopps]

I am sure things will work out for the best between the two of you.

[Remy266]

I think this is definitely something you need to talk to your friend about. If his girlfriend is a normal level-headed person, she shouldn't be concerned with keeping him from spending time with his friends that he's known longer than her. A girlfriend (or boyfriend, for that matter) should not keep the other to themselves to the point that they don't have time anymore for their friends. Becoming friends with her, as others have suggested, is a good idea as well.

In this day and age it seems like it's getting harder to find boyfriends/girlfriends who don't get upset when you want to do something with friends. Last year a friend of mine finally broke up with his girlfriend because she had some major jealously issues and basically wouldn't let him do anything or go anywhere with any of his friends unless she was able to go too. My girlfriend and I have a terrific relationship, but we also have our own friends and keep them in our lives as well. Of course, it probably helps that many of us all grew up together, but even then friends from other areas of our lives we still make time for, and we're okay with each other spending time with our friends.

[Sis84]

Things will most likely change between you two to an extent. But you've been friends for a long time, and I'm sure you guys will work it out and get through it. I've been through these types of things with my friends. There are times when we have just been at different points in our lives with different priorities or were being pulled in different directions by various events. During these times, yes things changed - but eventually we realized that they changed for the better. It may not be the easiest thing when you're going through it b/c you do feel as though you're losing your best friend. But try to think of it as you're simply adding a new person to both your lives, and as his friend I'm sure you want him to be happy.