Poems Options

[amity]

I thought I would make this topic to share poetry. I'm not a songwriter, or a poet, but I still write. So people care share suggestions in here about poetry, post poems you've wrote, your favorites, etc.

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Here's a few poems I've wrote.. sorry I'm more of a dark/death/emo writer. sorry... lol


Untitled

Everyone says they care so much
How come I don't feel it then
Am I that numb?
Numb to everything, even love?

I don't feel the love people say they have
Is it just a mask they wear
I know how those work
I wear one everyday

I wonder constantly
If you really care
If I'm really even real
Is this a long dream, that's not going away

There are days I wish I could just disappear
Wake up, from this nightmare
The pain that is thrashing around inside
Is this feeling of hatred normal

Free Flow

i was told to write
in a free flowing manner
no punctuation that i want
cant erase anything or add after im done
this isn't the writing i write
the poet in me says no
writing like this is wrong and not me
im not a poet no not one at all
especially like this
it is less worthy for me to see
im not writing like i should
like ive been taught so many years before
properly and correctly as best as i can be
this is really not the true me

fading

feeling out of place
does she fit in
she feels so invisible
wishes to fade away
she's wearing a mask
she laughs and looks happy
how many people know that's how she lives
she wants to disappear
just leave out of sight
no one knows where she went
she vanished into thin air
that's how she feels everyday
she know she has people who care
who actually honestly care about her
that's what she hangs onto
she can't hurt those few can't bare to see
that pain they would go through
if she disappeared
so she wears a mask
and live life the best she can
she told herself
she can't fade away...

[phil]

Good job

[amity]

thank you

[TEEEEE!]

AmiTEEEE! Here is your grade on these poems.

Artistic quality: 10
Emotion: Ummmm..........I gotta get you out of the dark/depressed frame of mind!

You need a change in music. No more sad songs. You need optimistic or angry songs to get you out of your depression. The beat that is in your head determines your mood. Drop "New Strings" in your CD player because you need some ultimate optimism running through your head and an upbeat tempo.

Over all, the poems were really good outside of their down vibe.

But I have poetic skillz too! I'm a poet and my mama don't know it. My specialty is called a Hai-ku (sp?) where there are three lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables and there are no rhymes. My particular version of this ancient poetry is known as a Heid-Ku.

"Straight out of The D" (5)
"Carriefan of violence" (7)
"Purple Cowboy Hat" (5)

Now THAT is high art!

HEIDI YOU LIKE ME NOW?

[amity]

Thanks TEEEE!

I'm not good at writing the "bright cheery" stuff though.

Yes, it's Hai-ku. And very nice I like it.

[Heidi]

AmiTEEEE! Here is your grade on these poems.

Artistic quality: 10
Emotion: Ummmm..........I gotta get you out of the dark/depressed frame of mind!

You need a change in music. No more sad songs. You need optimistic or angry songs to get you out of your depression. The beat that is in your head determines your mood. Drop "New Strings" in your CD player because you need some ultimate optimism running through your head and an upbeat tempo.

Over all, the poems were really good outside of their down vibe.

But I have poetic skillz too! I'm a poet and my mama don't know it. My specialty is called a Hai-ku (sp?) where there are three lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables and there are no rhymes. My particular version of this ancient poetry is known as a Heid-Ku.

"Straight out of The D" (5)
"Carriefan of violence" (7)
"Purple Cowboy Hat" (5)

Now THAT is high art!

HEIDI YOU LIKE ME NOW?

LMAO! Nice way to take the seriousness away TEEE!

[MANDA!!!]

great job!

[Edison's Med...]

Hey Amity, I really like the 'Untitled' poem ... I think you've shown yourself to be a very good writer! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cool.gif)

[amity]

Hey Amity, I really like the 'Untitled' poem ... I think you've shown yourself to be a very good writer! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cool.gif)

Thanks Rob! Me a "writer"... ha ha ha! You're kidding me right? But I will say that I havce came a long way from two years ago when I meet you and started writing with you. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) I miss those days ,.... *reflects back on memories.* (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cool.gif)

[amity]

Walk Out

Why did he walk out
On the one he loved
The one he gave a baby
To cherish forevermore
And then to run away

Why did she walk out
On her daughter
After she gave her heart
Made the little one
Put so much trust
In her heart

Why did they walk out
And ruin the life
Of the baby girl they created
Breaking her heart in two
Lose the trust of the world

Why do we walk out
On the ones we love
Forever and always
To never abandon
Leave out in the cold

Why walk out
The girl is numb in pain
Of a broken heart
Why did you
Walk out on her

[Ang Monique]

I really like that last one, "Walk Out." Perhaps it would even be better if you called it "Walk-out" or "Walkout." Like, make it a noun, instead of an action. It'd be interesting to work that in.

I also really the "Free Flow" one! I like that it gives the implication that what you're saying isn't true at all. It is you! At least, it can be interpreted that way, and it's awsome!

I'll share now (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) :

Going Green

"But save the whales!" they shout above.
"Please, keep our oceans clean."
Then slap a bumper sticker up,
And drive on, SUV.

Green is today's red, white, and blue,
So tell us in your songs.
Raise awareness, tell the truth,
Before your minute's gone.

What's deeply etched in silicone?
What noble cause proclaimed?
My garden still has somehow grown.
I sowed it in your name.

That t-shirt printed message clear--
"Be wary what we do"--
Where was it made, my trendy dear?
The answer's nothing new.

You're calling for a greening peace,
From your Armani suit.
You know, you are the day's caprice,
And here's to you--salute!


She

I opened the book.
Her face was there,
compressed between
two plastic-coated covers,
two thin, flaking, flaps
smashing her face into
the folds of history...

Chapter 1: She walked.
She walked before the sun rose,
before the moon set,
before the stars fell.
She walked.

Chapter 2: Her veil
fell around her shoulders,
slumped with life.
Baring the bruise,
she cried.

Chapter 3: She ran,
ran from stones,
flying overhead,
toward her head, but
She lived.

I studied the photos
In black and white.
The renderings of eyes,
Lips frozen in speech.
Bound feet, treading
The tar pits of time--
I closed the book.

This post has been edited by Ang Monique: Apr 11 2007, 12:01 PM

[amity]

Thank you! I think I might chang ethe title of it to "Out" actually, but I now will consider what two you suggested. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) What do you think of "Out"? It's odd, I know...

And "Going Green" is really cool. And so is "She", but "Going Green" really amazes me, yuo have some amzing talents!

Bravo Kudos to your amazing job!!!

[Ang Monique]

Thanks! I don't have much experience with poetry. I had a creative writing class this semester, and I think I've really learned a lot. I don't really like "She" too much. I just like the very first stanza. The rest could use some work...

"Out" is cool, but it almost gives the connotation of "coming out," "being out... of the closet." I don't know. That's just the first thing that came to mind... At the very least, "out on the town," which I don't think you're really going for either... That's just my opinion though... You could also maybe do something with words that mean leaving... I dunno...

[amity]

You have a LOT more experience then me. And yeah. "She" confused me and didn't make to much sense *to me* but it is still really good.

How about something like "Gone" I may just stick with "Walk Out" r somethign though... I don't know yet. lol

[MANDA!!!]

Walk Out

Why did he walk out
On the one he loved
The one he gave a baby
To cherish forevermore
And then to run away

Why did she walk out
On her daughter
After she gave her heart
Made the little one
Put so much trust
In her heart

Why did they walk out
And ruin the life
Of the baby girl they created
Breaking her heart in two
Lose the trust of the world

Why do we walk out
On the ones we love
Forever and always
To never abandon
Leave out in the cold

Why walk out
The girl is numb in pain
Of a broken heart
Why did you
Walk out on her

wow!! That is really good!!!

[Ang Monique]

You have a LOT more experience then me. And yeah. "She" confused me and didn't make to much sense *to me* but it is still really good.

How about something like "Gone" I may just stick with "Walk Out" r somethign though... I don't know yet. lol

I like Walk Out! Or Walkout, or Walk-out... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) But any of those would work really well.

I had to read a poem today at the school's Arts Festival... I was terrified, so I just read Going Green. It's quirky, so I figured it was safe. Other people read, and they are all so amazing. I feel silly reading in the same group. lol But I have confidence issues.

[Ang Monique]

Here's one I wrote last night, while looking at some pictures hanging on my wall:

Gulliver

The photos stuck on my wall:
black and white cut-outs,
glamour shots

of Italy--
cafes in the Piazza della Signoria,
Venetian shops, selling masks.
Shaped, spangled, and sold.

of Paris, France--
the arch poised over a star,
the Louvre and all her pyramids.
Prism painted panels.

and New York City--
the arm and torch of Liberty,
Grand Central and Central Park.
Vertical, in forced perspective.

I look at them, into them,
from my chair, which is
pressed against the wall.

Truly, I am Gulliver!
I have seen so many things,
in magazines,

and I can really appreciate,
while I am stuck in my chair,
looking at stuck photos

of distant lands, in black and white.

This post has been edited by Ang Monique: Apr 12 2007, 11:49 AM

[amity]

wow!! That is really good!!!

haha thanks much! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[amity]

I like Walk Out! Or Walkout, or Walk-out... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) But any of those would work really well.

I had to read a poem today at the school's Arts Festival... I was terrified, so I just read Going Green. It's quirky, so I figured it was safe. Other people read, and they are all so amazing. I feel silly reading in the same group. lol But I have confidence issues.

That's awesome. Today I got to tour two colleges.. I should have worn my ankle brace.. owww. But we went into one class of poetry we didn't get to stay for long but this one guy/girl ... I'm not sure .... was reading a poem and I was like (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif)

I think I'll go with "Walk-O(o)ut"

Here's one I wrote last night, while looking at some pictures hanging on my wall:

Gulliver

The photos stuck on my wall:
black and white cut-outs,
glamour shots

of Italy--
cafes in the Piazza della Signoria,
Venetian shops, selling masks.
Shaped, spangled, and sold.

of Paris, France--
the arch poised over a star,
the Louvre and all her pyramids.
Prism painted panels.

and New York City--
the arm and torch of Liberty,
Grand Central and Central Park.
Vertical, in forced perspective.

I look at them, into them,
from my chair, which is
pressed against the wall.

Truly, I am Gulliver!
I have seen so many things,
in magazines,

and I can really appreciate,
while I am stuck in my chair,
looking at stuck photos

of distant lands, in black and white.

That is so cool!!!! Since I'm like a photo nut and my wall is completely covered.... (I'm serious you can't see a dot of the horrific pink paint) I'm in love with pictures.... so that poem is really cool. And also the whole culture thing... or city, not sreally sure. lol

I like it lots though! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[amity]

--reality--

Mops in dirty water
Garbage in the dumpster
Scum stuck on the plates
That's how they make her feel

Day after day
Torture and terror
Physical or emotional
Stable; unable

Dress up, pretend
Smile, happiness
Everything’s perfect
That irresistible urge

Back up, into reality
Depression, walking
Through these halls
Pushed from side to side

Wanting to die
Masks and so much more
Cover that angelic face
It’s all a dream, no -- reality --